MY ROOMMATE KEPT STEALING MY CHARGER—SO I MADE HIS PHONE MOAN IN A MEETING AND GOT HIM FIRED

The next morning, I watched Jake grab the bait. He stuffed my charger into his bag, gave me a "peace out" sign, and headed to the office.

I had a man on the inside: Alex, a guy from Jake's team who was equally tired of Jake’s entitlement. Alex had set up a "desk clock" (which was actually a high-def camera) in the main conference room where they had their weekly departmental meeting.

11:30 AM. I opened the livestream.

The room was packed. There was the Department Manager, a man who had the personality of a brick wall. There was Hannah, sitting across from Jake. And there was Jake, leaning back, looking "cool." My charger was plugged into his phone, sitting right there on the mahogany table.

For fifteen minutes, it was boring corporate talk. Then, Jake did exactly what I knew he would do. He checked his phone, saw it was at 100%, and decided to "unplug" so he could show Hannah something on his screen.

The second the silver tip of the USB-C cable left the port, the silence of the boardroom was shattered.

“OHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAH!”

It wasn't just a moan. It was a high-fidelity, bass-boosted, soul-shaking scream of simulated passion. It sounded like a ghost was having the time of its life inside the walls.

The Manager’s pen flew out of his hand. Hannah turned a shade of red I didn't know existed in nature. One guy actually spit his coffee across the table onto the Manager's laptop.

Jake’s face went from "cool" to "death row inmate" in 0.5 seconds. He frantically mashed the volume buttons. I had hard-coded the volume at 100%. He tried to turn the phone off. I had disabled the power-down sequence while the script was active.

“It’s—it’s a virus!” Jake yelled over the moaning. “I swear!”

“UHHHHNNNNNNNN!” the phone responded, as if disagreeing with him.

“PLUG IT IN!” Alex shouted, playing his part perfectly.

Jake lunged for the cable like it was a life-raft in the middle of the ocean. The second he plugged it back in, the room fell into a silence so heavy you could hear the molecules vibrating.

The Manager didn't scream. He didn't swear. He just took off his glasses, rubbed his temples, and said, “Jake. My office. Now.”

The meeting was adjourned. But the nightmare was only beginning. Because Jake still didn't realize the trap I’d set had a second phase. He thought the "glitch" was over.

He was wrong. So very wrong.